Becoming: The Untold Story of Ronald Knox
by Robin Pendragon
Summary: Ronald approached Mey Rin at the docks that day, out of everybody else, for a reason. Short fic.
1. Part I

***I do now own the characters, they belong to Yana Toboso and Square Enix.***

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**Part I:**

The first time I saw her I thought she was an angel. She was five and I was six and a half. She was my only friend in that orphanage were we'd been dumped, just like trash, just like the other kids. Her parents had burned to death in a house fire, and nobody else in the family wanted to take her in, I knew that from overhearing the matrons the day they brought her in. I never knew what happened to my own, the orphanage was my 'home' as far as I remembered.

We built houses from sticks and mud out in back of the orphanage. The other kids made fun of her because she couldn't see them when they walked up to her, pushed her down and threw fistfuls of sand over her amaranth hair. She would cry and I would come up and punch the boys, the girls would run away, and I'd throw my arm around her, and she would stop crying eventually, just in time for one of the kids to tell the matron on me and I'd take a beating. I took it happily, for her.

When the couples came in looking to adopt, it didn't fail that some nice lady would come up to her, talk to her, make her smile, then walk away. They always went for the babies, the ones they can raise themselves, the clean slates. Most of the other kids, and me, we knew we'd never have parents. Few of us had known the love of a mother or father. Most of us were used to being looked at, never chosen.

Months went by and she was still there. The matrons started to say nobody would take her, just like me, just like most of us. Probably because of her eyes. _She's nearly blind, the poor child, never going to be adopted because of it the poor dear_, they would say, _what a shame, such lovely eyes and they don't see a thing, the Lord does work in mysterious ways_. But she wasn't blind, I knew it because when we threw rocks against the trees she could always see where the furthest rock had gone off to. I couldn't even see that far. She'd point to birds and stars whose shape I could barely make out. She was always looking out windows, watching the birds. That was probably another reason they picked on her, thought she was dumb or something. But I knew better.

A year went by. We were getting older. I started to be a little hopeful, maybe the matrons were right, maybe we could grow up together, there in that orphanage until they kicked us out, maybe when I busted out of that place I could take her with me. That was all naive thinking of course. The streets were no place for someone like her. I knew that even at that age. I'd have to think of another way, but I had time, seven whole years, to think of something.

Then one day _they_ showed up. A man and a pretty lady, walking side by side. They were nicely dressed and seemed to be well off. The man even walked with one of those fancy canes, and the lady had a hat with flowers on it and nice white gloves. They weren't interested in changing trousers or hiring a nighttime nanny, they wanted to look at the older kids. I panicked as the matrons came in to fix us up. _One of you might have parents by the end of today if you settle down and mind your manners,_ she said. I hoped it wouldn't be me, or worse, I hoped it wouldn't be her, that they wouldn't take her from me. Minutes later I saw them walking into our room, looking at all of us, just like we were fancy objects to add to their collection, show off to their friends. Wealthy folk. At least they looked like wealthy folk.

I panicked as the pretty lady went up to her. She was looking out the window, as usual, at the birds that nobody else in the room could see. She didn't turn to look at the pretty lady when the lady knelt before her. The matron started to apologize on her behalf and say something about her eyes, and the lady asked her kindly to let her talk to the child herself. _What do you see little one?_ she asked. She turned to the lady and the lady smiled, _Birdies_, she said and pointed out the window, returning the smile. The lady looked out the window, and her face started to glow. I think she could see them too. She beamed as she kept talking to her. _What is your name?_ she asked. _Mary, her name is Mary,_ the matron responded for her. The pretty lady didn't even acknowledge the matron as she talked to her, _My my Mary, you certainly have a unique gift don't you, we'll have to change your name to reflect that,_ and my Mary smiled as she always did when she was uncomfortable.

My heart stopped as the lady told the man _She's the one,_ and the man told the matron they were taking Mary.

And I froze as they took my Mary away from me. She cried as the lady carried her in her arms, she cried and held out her arms toward me, and I made a secret promise that I would find her one day and take her back. Every single night and day after that was darkness.

A decade went by and I was living off the streets, pickpocketing passersby, stealing food from windowsills when my stomach was hurting. I was good, I was sneaky, and I was desperate. I was caught stealing pieces of raw meat from Old Man Knox's kitchen one day and he beat me with a stick for it. Then he offered me a job and I couldn't refuse, or he'd have me put away for thieving. I helped him around his slaughter house, cutting the meats, and selling them, feeding the pigs, carrying things that were getting too heavy for him or his wife to carry themselves. Their son had died from tuberculosis years ago, he said, so he needed the help, and I needed to learn how to be a proper man and earn a living, he said. In return I got a pound of meat at the end of the week. He let me sleep in the back yard, eat the bread his wife baked, and occasionally have dinner with them. They taught me how to say grace. His wife was nice. I told her about the orphanage and Mary, and how I had promised to find her one day. She said I looked like her son who'd passed away, her dear Ronald, and she taught me how to make bread.

Three more years passed and I was still working for Old Man Knox. I was sleeping in his attic then, because he trusted me enough at the time. One day he sent me to get some materials from the market and when I came back these two guys were in the kitchen, pushing him round, saying he owed them money. I ran inside and defended him, managed to give them a beating. They backed off and ran away. But the old man was in poor health, his wife in a corner of the kitchen nearly scared to death.

A week later after he sent me for materials again I returned to find him and his wife on the kitchen floor, their tidy house looked like it'd been ransacked. They were both barely breathing, and I knew where to find the ones responsible, so I got help and then I went to look for those guys.

That is how I ended up dying in an alley of East London. That is how I became a death god.

The first souls I reaped were the old man and his wife. They were listed to die in their sleep, together. But she opened her eyes before she went, and she saw me. _My Ronald,_ she called me, before she went.


	2. Part II

***I do now own the characters, they belong to Yana Toboso and Square Enix.***

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**Part II.**

Time is different in my dimension. Aside from the many improvements and upgrades, my body doesn't age. From the moment it was repaired after my human death it ain't changed much at all. I never get old. I can't die that easily. Compared to my human body I would say I'm a vast improvement.

My superiors explained it to me this way, time is a human concept. One year here is maybe a week in the human dimension, sometimes only a day. There's no set formula. We can't control that. Nobody can. Life just goes on and we do our job. That's why all the years I did in training at the Academy amounted to so little time in the human dimension, say, Old Man Knox and his wife. They didn't live for much longer than a few weeks after I died, but for me it was the equivalent to years at the Academy, including field work and classes and everything. It's probably why they assigned them to me as my first real cases, to test whether I could do it, or as my superior said, _be unbiased._ I'd say I did pretty well for myself. And I dare to say that Old Man Knox and his wife would be proud.

And Mary too. I so often wondered what had become of her. She'd have been 19 or so when I had my human death.

I remember many sleepless nights up in Old Man Knox's attic, staring out the window looking at the stars wondering if she'd be looking at 'em too. I wondered what kind of life she'd had after those people adopted her. I used to selfishly fantasize that that wealthy couple had adopted her to make her part of the help, then I'd still have a chance. If she was just a maid, I might have a chance. I remember looking at many girls, trying to find her eyes, her specific shade of hair, never with any luck.

While I did my training I came to accept the reality that she was gone from me forever. As a student I tried to sneak into the records at the library once but this old guy caught me. I didn't know him then, but he was always at the library. That was the first time I met the Undertaker. I hardly understood what he said, in between laughing fits, but I think he was trying to tell me that my superiors would not be happy to find me there. Why he was allowed in, I didn't know at the time either. I think he said something about never finding what I was looking for, I was looking too hard and not hard enough, or something. I thought he was crazy, but something in that made sense to me. I had to stop looking for her. It was time to let her go and move on.

One of my superiors taught me that life, even for us, was short. She liked to party, Professor Sutcliffe did. She was so fun, and she was desperately in love with Professor Spears. One time when we got drunk together at a local bar she told me that she'd never meet another man who could replace him. She loved him and only him. But she knew he didn't love her back, and if he did he would never express it, so she tried to move on, only she couldn't because she was stuck on him. She chased after every good looking male what came her way to hide this knowledge. I thought maybe I'd do the same, follow my superior's example.

I met other girls. Many, many other beautiful girls with good personalities. All kinds of girls. I had fun, I worked hard and partied harder. The difference between human girls and those in my dimension was the perception of ethics and morals. Because things were more advanced, girls in my dimension didn't see sex as a thing between only a man and his wife. And of course I don't think I need to spell it out for ya!

I enjoyed my afterlife. I did exactly as I wanted to, as long as I did a good job without slacking off (or getting caught doing just that), I got a steady paycheck, I had my own little living space, good friends, good food, and was even sent on a lot of special cases. I was that good at my job. And of course there was the nice girls, and they seemed to like me. For the first time in my existence, I honestly felt complete, and truly happy.

I was given a special assignment one day. A very, very special one. When I was given the file it was the thickest one I'd received. Nearly two inches! Many souls were to be reaped. I'd get help of course, but it wasn't just the souls that needed reapin. It was that many of them were missing too. Some kind of mysterious occurrence was going on, people had died but they were still moving round like they were still alive. It was going to be a big deal. Could mean a promotion if I executed it without mistakes, or at least a raise in my salary... or at the very least good praise from Mr. Spears. I was given my ticket and told to pack right away. I didn't know if I'd be coming back home in one piece after all, it was a real dangerous job. So I celebrated.

I woke up the next morning, hungover. Looking at the clock I realized it was late. _Shite! _I jumped off the bed and got ready as fast as I could, grabbed my suitcase, coat and hat, and was out the door of the inn I'd rented a room for the night at. I was about a ten minute walk from the docks and the ship was leaving in five. I had to run for it.

It was crowded, as was to be expected, and I had no idea where to go. My ticket said to look for the second class entrance, my cabin would be there. Not that I'd be sleeping at all. I spotted the entrance in no time, and as I was on my way I saw it.

That shade of color that had eluded me for years. That amaranth hair. It wasn't red, or purple, or brown, it was like a mix of the three. The same hair my Mary used to have. It was this girl at the docks. Could she be? Everything around me stopped, and if my heart could beat I could swear it was about to come out of my chest. _Could she be...?_ So much time had gone by, I had stopped looking for her... _Looking too hard and not hard enough_, is what the Undertaker had said. He was right, this was the last thing I expected to see, ever. I thought for years maybe I'd imagined the shade of her hair, the beauty of her eyes, but it was here now in front of me not two yards away.

I had to be sure, before I made a fool of myself. And would she even remember me. There was only one way of finding out, I had to see her eyes. I would know it then. My Mary would probably be wearing glasses now, if they had taken proper care of her, unless she was married as there'd be no need, at least I had come to see in the human dimension that was the idea.

I needed to talk to her. I needed to find out if it was her. I wouldn't be able to sleep ever, until I did. But I was already late and the ship was about to depart. How could I get her attention without appearing threatening?

The idea came to me and I impulsively went for it.

I set a hand on her shoulder, hoping the familiar feeling of my hand on that shoulder, like when I used to comfort her, would trigger some memory.

_"Hey! _Do you know where the second class entrance is?"

I hoped I hadn't startled her, she seemed to jump a little. I knew where it was of course, but I needed her to turn around.

"P-probably over there..." she said, her body turning toward me.

My heart stopped.

She wore glasses. Large glasses that nearly clouded her eyes, but I could see them. I could see her.

_My Mary._

My mouth opened and it took me half a second to realize that what I was about to say might come off as creepy. She didn't seem to remember me at all. But maybe she couldn't see me that well. She was standing right in front of the first class entrance. She might even be on this ship with me. I needed to talk to her more. I didn't even think at the time of the consequences she might have faced had she been on that ship. I just thought of talking to her, getting her to remember me somehow.

"Thank you! I'll treat you to some tea in the lounge later. What's your room number?"

I had to, I just had to talk to her. Maybe I sounded overly enthusiastic, but I was incredibly happy to see her again, to have found her after all this time.

"I-I-I-I'm just seeing someone off!"

She stuttered. I wouldn't remember if my Mary had stuttered before, we were just kids, and she didn't talk much. She didn't remember me but I knew it was her. At least it used to be. She was a different person now, and so was I. We'd both grown up. She was alive! She was alive, and she was beautiful.

"We'll be pulling up the bridge shortly!" they announced.

"_Crap!_ Yeah, yeah, I'm boarding!"

I was distraught in awe of having found Mary, and almost missed my call. That couldn't happen again. I had to go, there was no more time. I didn't even ask what her name was now. But...

"If I make it back in one piece, I'll invite you again! See you!"

There. At least I left her with that. If I "accidentally" bumped into her at a market somewhere she would remember me for sure.


	3. The Untold Story of Mey Rin Part I

***I do not own the characters, they're owned by Yana Toboso/Square Enix.***

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Most of what I remember is cold. Getting up early before sunrise, eating a bowl of wheat for breakfast and joining the other recruits in the warehouse. For the daily workout we had one trainer, for the individual workouts we each had a different mentor.

I never knew my mentor's name. I was to call him 'Sir'. But he called me Mey Rin. That was my new name and I was respond only to that when spoken to. He said it was special, though the origins of it I don't know, and never cared.

I remember once upon a time my name was Mary. It was not a nice place, the orphanage. But I had one friend.

Johnny. At least that was his name then. He would comfort me when I was pushed around, give me his last piece of bread when I was still hungry, and even punch the boys who called me names. 'Idiot', is what they said. Johnny was the only one who did not believe I was, even I started to believe it at times.

Then she came along. Mrs. Durless. She and her husband adopted me, on paper. They took me away from the bad place, but they also took me away from Johnny. I thought I was going to have a mother and father, but few things could have been further from the truth. Mrs. Durless said I had a gift that was too special to waste away in an orphanage, too special to waste on raising me to be a lady and somebody's wife. I would never be a lady, she said, I would never wear a skirt. I would never have a husband. I owed it to the world to utilize this gift of mine and bring justice to it, and I owed it to her, as the person who discovered me.

I have no memories of my first years with Mrs. Durless. It was only after two years with her that I met my Mentor. A tall and mysterious figure, who I was never to look at in the eye unless he ordered me to. He was carefully chosen for the job Mrs. Durless said, and he was one of the best so I should be grateful. He took me away from Mrs. Durless into what felt like another orphanage. I shared a large room with three other girls. We wore the same gray clothing, a shirt and pants, like men did. Our trainer said our gender did not matter. We were all the same. Boy or girl, short or tall, we each had our own gift to offer, and he was going to tear it from us, he was going to polish it, and when we were ready we would know just how to use it, and we would make the world a little better by doing so.

My roommates and I were not allowed to speak loudly, or speak at all. Nobody was allowed to befriend anybody. _We are not here to make friends,_ our Trainer would say,_ we are here to become warriors._

I was eight when I saw my first crime. It was a year since I'd arrived at the warehouse, since I'd met my Mentor. He took me to the woods and we walked, and walked and walked until my feet were hurting and I could barely stand. He had a shotgun on his back.

He understood, he said, he knew I was scared, and it was natural. I was about to have my naivete ripped from me, if it had not already happened at the orphanage, he said, and being afraid was a perfectly human reaction. He walked behind a tree and motioned me to join him. He stepped back and asked me to move some branches aside in the bush that blocked my view and to look as far as I could, and watch.

Far in the distance, too far for either of us to be seen, I saw a girl, could not have been much older than me. She was tied to a tree, and a man stood above her, his fist coming down onto her face. Soon I saw on the other side of the tree she was tied to, there was a boy as well. They were both tied to the tree. Small children. The memory is a nightmare I would rather forget. The man, large and wide, bald, sweating and disgusting, wobbled as he walked away from them back to a sack a couple yards away from the children, and took out a set of matches.

_He's going to burn them_, my Mentor said. I felt panic, afraid, I wanted to do something but we were so far away. I felt tears in my eyes and I tried to hide them from my mentor.

_Don't_, he ordered me to. _Mey Rin, look at me._ That was an order. I could tell by the tone of his voice, I'd learned to differentiate between orders and statements. Slowly I raised my eyes up to his level, almost afraid of looking at him. That was the first time my eyes met his blue ones. Sure, he was blurry, from both my vision and my tears, but I saw him. He was stoic, and if I dare say very fatherly. He must have seen something, or I must have said something that he wanted me to, because he smiled and patted my head, and he said, 'You're a good human being Mey Rin. Watch,' and he pointed to the man in the distance, who was having trouble lighting the matches. The children were crying.

My Mentor raised his shotgun and took aim, and with a single shot the man dropped to the ground. A second shot to the knot on the rope liberated the children, and they ran. And I wanted to run too, into my Mentor's arms, and embrace him because I felt safe, because in that single action he'd become a hero.

_There is evil in this world Mey Rin,_ he said. _You are going to learn to do what I just did, and one day you are going to replace me. You are going to bring justice to the world._ With tears in my eyes I nodded. Those children were alive, and free because of my Mentor. I was motivated. I wanted to be like him, I wanted to be somebody's saviour. I remember that he smiled and set a hand on my back, leading me back to the carriage, and back to the warehouse.

Seven years later my Mentor disappeared. I did not find out what happened, it was not my place to ask. One day he just did not show, and the Trainer walked up to me and told me I was ready to go into the field, and that I didn't need a Mentor anymore. I never saw him again, but I repeated my Mentor's mantra over and over in my head during that first assignment. I repeated it as I aimed at the man below, as I stood at the top of the tower at night. I repeated it in my head as I wavered, seeing his wife and children surround him, and worried that my shot might miss and I might accidentally hit one of them. I flinched.

Looking back, I think that the moment I heard his voice behind me, it replaced my Mentor's entirely.

_"I'd like to offer you a position." _

He was frightening, fast, and wore a butler's outfit. I never did find out how he got on that tower without me noticing.

And I said yes to Sebastian Michaelis.


End file.
